I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
