Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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