upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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