dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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