i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
