How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
