Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
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so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
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The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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