Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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