I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
