and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
