she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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