You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!