This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
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So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS