doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!