guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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