Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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