Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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