i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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