how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
