Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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