mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
