I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
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