I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
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He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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