guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
