I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
