You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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