you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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