I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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