I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When are your genitals available?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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