Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Found the puke drawer
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
