i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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