By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
