I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
