There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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