The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
