textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
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I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize