I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
