if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Randomize
