im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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