last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
