she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
