If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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