I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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