I can text with my tongue
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
