maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
