doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
