Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
