There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Houston, we have a blender
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
