My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Thank you for not boning my boss.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
