in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
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Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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