do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
