Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
