It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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