Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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