I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
