I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
