So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
