Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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