Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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