How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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