Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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