i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
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I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
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I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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