Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
