at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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