U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
they need to just BURY HIM!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
