So drunk its hurt
he thought i was a dude.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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