people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
