yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
