A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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