Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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