I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
